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CERN Search in for New Fundamental Particles

Nuclear physicists working at the new Large Hadron Collider in Cern have two new fundamental particles to add to their search. Already they have the monumental task of trying to locate the hypothesised Higgs Boson, sometimes dubbed the “God Particle”. Scientists have surmised the existence of the Higgs based on theories of super-symmetry. According to current these theories, finding the Higgs Boson would plug a gap believed to exist in the zoo of particles.

Now, in addition to strange objects such as quarks, bosons, and gluons, social scientists have asked the experimenters to search for the politicon and the twiton which are thought to exist only within the human brain. It is surmised that the politicon carries political force, and comes in two forms, differentiated by their spin. Left-spinning politicons likely to form homogeneous clusters, leading to uniform structures such as crystals.

On the other hand, right-spinning politicons act independently. Their more individual behaviour form looser bonds, and are probably related to the apparently random movement in fluids, known as Brownian Motion.

Another theoretical particle has been dubbed the twiton, on the basis that it is the basis of stupidity. Researchers expect to locate high concentrations of the twiton between two key region of the brain – the high-order planning prefrontal cortex, and the emotional centre known as the amygdala.

The prefrontal cortex is related to planning complex cognitive behaviours, personality expression, and moderating socially correct behaviour. This brain region orchestrates thoughts and actions in accordance with internal goals. The amygdala is the more primitive part of the brain which processes memories and emotional reactions.

In stupid people, high concentrations of twiton overwhelm the prefrontal cortex with signals from the amygdala, leading to the dominance of emotions over intellect. The twiton’s action is transmitted through a force called bozone, blocking the processing of useful ideas and information.

Indirect evidence of bozon has already been detected via indicators such as certain hair styles, and underpants overtly displayed under baggy trousers. Cern researchers are currently collecting likely samples for testing in the Large Hadron Collider.

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